She entered the world on a Saturday
The seventh of March in nineteen thirty-six
She left the world on a Tuesday
The twenty-seventh of July in two thousand eight
Mother of three girls who lived and
Others who never survived to be born
She came into the world, according to my grandmother,
Backwards, kicking, and screaming
The doctor advised her to not have any more babies
So she didn’t
Mom was apparently all the child she would have time or
Energy to keep up with
Frankly, Mom would have made Dr. Spock rethink the entire issue of birth control
Now, if they told her (Mom, that is) not to do it, she would do it anyway
Lost her cherry at eleven (eleven??)she told me,
And burned the diary at thirteen to make sure her mother didn’t find it
Married Daddy at sixteen and had me at seventeen
She had told him she was pregnant, but of course she wasn’t
I was born nine months and two days after they were married
In the same church in which I would one day walk the aisle with my true love
Her best friend was Jean … whose baby girl entered the world one month
After me … and, inevitably, Linda and I became best friends, too …
Hard to believe sometimes … that she’s gone from life …
She always had such a presence
A fighter from the start, she kicked back at life as hard as it kicked her
Loved horses, the outdoors, gardening, canning, cooking,
And making her own butter
She taught me how, but somehow I let most of it slide
In the pursuit of convenience and saving time when I’m tired after work
But really
She worked … mothered the three of us, married at least three men, (I think),
Tilled the earth, milked the cows, cleaned the stalls,
Plucked the chickens, gathered their eggs, and turned out wonderful
Things from the kitchen – my word, the woman could cook!
(That I lost my gallbladder at age 42 was largely due to her cooking) …
I let it slide and there’s so much I don’t remember now
And she’s not around for me to ask anymore
No more long phone calls … asking me for money or help …
I got to where I dreaded her calling because she rarely called for me
Without wanting something from me
Yet
I knew without a doubt that I was loved and accepted and cherished
Even when we disagreed, which was a lot and often
And now, one year later, if I could have anything I wanted
I’d just like to hear her voice one more time
Like all the times that will never come again
Because time for her finally ran out and she left without warning
Without good-bye
Like my grandmother … and grandfather … and my father …
Funny thing about mothering – babies don’t come with instructions –
You kind of fake it till you make it
And hope they turn out all right
She wasn’t the best of mothers, and she wasn’t the worst …
She resided in a bottle for most of my childhood before quitting when I grew up,
Smoked like a chimney, and her language could peel wallpaper off a wall!
I am truly blessed and truly thankful to her …
For so much of who I am and who I am becoming
For the gift of my life and all its wonders
For the strength of my convictions borne of disagreements
For the knowledge of my family passed down by word and by example
And now … one year later …
I am still missing her more than I can say, and …
It really, really would be nice … to hear her voice one more time …

For My Mom, Phyllis Ann Lynn Wright, 1936-2008
7/27/2009
All Rights Reserved
S. Ranea Wright

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23
May

up …. down …. upside down …
running … chasing … watching …
sleeping sixteen hours
a day!

purring … cuddling … grooming …
adored … beloved … worshipped …
offerings on the doorstep
no way!

hunting … hunted … haunting …
fearless … dauntless … hapless …
never owned yet owning
their day!

curious … spontaneous … impetuous …
inside … outside … fireside …
in our homes and hearts
to stay!

dedicated to Jasmine, Tobias, Tony, Salem, Calypso, Athena, and Addison
©R. Noha-Wright 6/10/2009

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Lyrics:

“Bring Me To Life”
(feat. Paul McCoy)

how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I’ve become so numb
without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

now that I know what I’m without
you can’t just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

Bring me to life
(I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside)
Bring me to life

frozen inside without your touch
without your love darling
only you are the life among the dead

all this time I can’t believe I couldn’t see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don’t let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

(Bring me to life)
I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside
(Bring me to life)

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Marooned
In a sea of sound
Nothing could prepare me to not
Take it for granted
Whispers……….
Screams…….
Babies crying…….
Horns blasting……..
Sirens wailing…..
Laughter…
Shouts…..
Thunder…..
Creaking floors…..
Crackling fires……

Bathed in an ever flowing cacophony
Keeping me connected to
Schedules….
Deadlines…..
Life…..

Yet
You approach in silence
Bound to it
Without choice or escape
All that I would claim essential
Surrendered
To nothingness
For all your ears cannot perceive
You are rich
Blessed with sounds
Only the heart can know
Music
So many are too busy to reach for
You hear so much more
Than we ever have
Teach me…
Show me the path
To amend the bereft legacy
Bequeathed by a hearing world
Is it possible
Can I reach past the tumult to hear
Twinkling eyes
Warm smiles
And the strength of tiny fingers
Wrapped around mine?
Indulgent silence
Granting me the gift of you
As I floundered, unknowningly drowning
In a flood of discord
Rescued
Seeing at last
The source of wonders to be found within
A legacy of silence…..

©S. Ranea Noha-Wright

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15
May

The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows when

I hold in my hands a picture of a boy-child
My adult eyes and wisdom stumbling
Through the half unfamilar landscape of childhood memories
Is he really my brother?

But I’m strong
Strong enough to carry him
He aint heavy, he’s my brother

The angelic face looking back
Gave little validation to the dim recollections
Of my favorite books being indiscriminately torn up
Oh, yes, that was his favorite activity

So on we go
His welfare is of my concern
No burden is he to bear

I don’t remember hugging him
I don’t remember birthday parties for him
I don’t remember a stocking for him at Christmas
Was he really ever my brother?

We’ll get there
For I know
He would not encumber me
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother

He hasn’t lived at home since he was six
All he knows is the institution of the state school
Haven and sanctuary for him and those like him
Where he’s not a “burden” to anyone

If I’m laden at all
I’m laden with sadness

It was like he had never lived at home at all
A secret and a shame to be hidden
Not brought forth into the light
Except at the “proper” times, and as briefly as possible

That everyone’s heart
Isn’t filled with gladness
Of love for one another

Some of my friends speak lovingly of their brothers
Others hate theirs with a passion
Take your pick, they’re role models one minute
And the scum of the earth the next
I can’t do either with my brother

Its a long, long road
From which there is no return

The silent legacy endures
My heart doesn’t feel the emotion
To know and feel what its like to have a brother
He’s my brother in name only

While we’re on the way to there
Why not share

Was he really ever my brother?
Moments of life meant to be shared
Growing up, rites of passage, lifes special occassions
Passed him by without understanding

And the load
Doesn’t weigh me down at all
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother

A twist of fate, a quirk of genetics
I could have been him
A prisoner for life to mental retardation
With no hope for parole or reprieve

He’s my brother
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother

It’s a nice song, been around for a while
I wish I could feel that special meaning…
But was he really ever my brother?

He’s my brother
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother

 

“He Ain’t Heavy”
as sung by The Osmonds

©Poetry by L. Kupfer

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