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Frontier

I had not been long out of the closet
Writing off the fable of my past existence
To embark on creating a new empire
Based on the verity of my lesbian identity
When I met her.

A mutual gay friend introduced us
He had shared past sentimental anedcotes about her with me
And he was a good pal to hang around with
But he knew I yearned for lesbian companionship
So wtih unbridled enthusiasm he played matchmaker

I played chauffeur the night we met her at the airport
With great valor I tried not to eye-eavesdrop
The furious sign language conversation being played in the back seat
I lost count of the number of times
Her eyes met mine in the rear view mirror

Yes, she was deaf like me
And so that night an infatuation was born
Her presence was an infusion of energy
Into what had been an humdrum monotony in my life
She didn’t mind my callowness to the lesbian scene

They introduced me to the lesbian bars
Hither and yonder in New Orleans
She kept soundly trouncing me in billards
And chuckling at my wide eyed appraisal
Of the various bodice ensembles of drag queens

Saturday night we mutinied at the company of three
Told our gay friend that we wanted to go out alone
Just the two of us, her and I
Incurable romantic that he was
He gave us two thumbs up and shooed us off

We found ourselves at Charlene’s on Elysian Fields
A thick wreath of cigarette smoke floated
Above the women moving in zombie like precision
Arms flailing in ubiquitous homage
To the seductive medley of popular tunes woven by the DJ

I swear I had no pernicious intentions
She was a true native to the Big Easy
Chose to follow her heart to Arizona
But the misfortune of an ill timed lover’s fight
Turned a planned vacation for two
Into a trip alone for her

We talked in sign language between dances and drinks
Each gesture became a shade more intimate
Until with shy yet pretentious daring
I finally slipped my hand into hers
My heart raced at her answering grasp

On the drive back to her room at his house
Her hand traveling from my neck
Down my arm to rest on my thigh
Erased all traces of fallacy
Of the tension building between her and I

Fortune was smiling at us
For he was sound asleep
His door ajar to awaken at any lights we turned on
Keeping one hand possessively at the small of my back
She closed his door as we clandestinely tiptoed past

Ahhh
No erotic fantasy can ever compare
To one’s first time with another woman
With the streetlight outside her window
Bathing us in a glow of ethereal otherworldness
She made love to me that night

Deaf to my moans and sighs
But keenly aware of my shivers and shudders
She took me to that sweet frontier of ecstasy
With experienced hands and knowledgeable mouth
Leaving no area of skin unexplored or untasted…..

And when I exploded with that first sweet tidal wave
It was a momentous right of baptism for me
With each succeeding crescendo
All traces of that guilt-imposed celebacy
Crashed and washed out from my essence

An incredible ebb and flow that I was loathe to end
Until I was totally satiated in her arms
Her lips caressing my face and hair
Sealed the completeness of my liberation
From virgin catholic girl to full fledged woman

Afterwards, we were together for five years
Then it became painfully necessary to severe
Our relationship and go our separate ways
I have not seen her since then
But I will always remember her as my first….

©L. Kupfer

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Avowal

After many nights of fantasies
Of kissing her face
Of caressing her skin
Of exploring her curves and valleys
The moment of truth had arrived
Would our friendship be ripped asunder
If I dared to release the dragon of truth?

She was straight, I was lesbian
Our friendship dated from the day
She moved into the neighborhood
We derived great pleasure from each other’s platonic company
Of all the possible permutations of women
I could hardily fathom this obsession with her
Perhaps it was the influence of the full moon…

My infatuation finally filtered into the open
The day that we met at the park
My hands shook despite my efforts to control them
As I gave her the letter I had written
Silently I prayed that she read with an open mind
As I watched her eyes scan and absorb my words of lust
And hoped my avowal would be met with impunity

She bowed her head and was quiet for long moments
My mssive dangling from her fingers
When she looked at me again, I saw tears
And the fleeting shadow of mirrored longing
She said that no one had ever written of such beauty to her before
And that as much as she felt my passion and cared for me
She could not betray her devotion to husband and daughter

We spoke no more of that day
Her invitations became fewer and more scarce
The distance between us became miles instead of blocks
I had no choice but to accept the inevitable
Accept the consquences of my failed written words and move on
But in all those years that followed, I have often paused
To wonder if she still has that letter….

©L. Kupfer

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Meditation

Meditation
Not some bodacious science
Is the native tool of the spiritual seeker
So essential
To cleanse and balance the chakras….
To reach that serene summit
Of inner stillness
Anchor your feet into voluptuous Gaia
Accept all Her forms
Young maid…mother..crone
Do not dawdle on deep breaths
Steady….inhale…exhale…
Go forward inward

Sight the figure EIGHT on black
Horizontal line dividing in benediction
As subjective and objective separate
Two circles become the sign of SEVEN
Digging into roots of red
Curl the seven into graceful SIX
Softening pulsating passionate orange corners
Swing out six into solid FIVE
Yellow solar plexus pentacle
Bridge of triumph between heaven and earth
Mold five into angular FOUR
Unsinkable green branches
Symbolic of heart-felt candor
Stretch four out into arcs of THREE
Reaching up to poignant skies of blue
Float like a gentle whistle on the breeze
Entwine three into mystical TWO
Third eye coloring shades of violet
Bubble outlines merge into spheres of commitment
Two straightens and stands tall as ONE
White crown radiating universal love
Affirming the tranquil power of oneness
Steady…inhale…exhale..
Go backward and outward

1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8

Return
Refreshed
Renewed

© L. Kupfer

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For Tigger

In spite of you saying
“I’ve been expecting this for a long while”
I knew in our shared sorrow
It was not an easy decision
For you to make
Heartwrenching resolution
To do that final act of kindness
Her furry figure was no longer
Able to curl up close to you
Her eyes no longer gazed up to you
With the soulful innocence of that kitten
She was sixteen years ago
Her once dark striped muzzle
Streaked with white
Still continued to love your touch
To the very end
Together we share the tears today
For we have freed Tigger to the heavens
Where she will keep your mother company
And once more play with her sister Spitfire…
Tomorrow we will rejoice
For her spirit is no longer fettered
By earthly bounds
And will live forever in our hearts

 

 

dedicated to Diana’s Tigger
April 1985 – March 21, 2001

 ©L. Kupfer

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Brush Fire

today
live match
or half finished cigarette butt
tossed somewhere
by a careless fisherman
landed and sparked
on brown pine needles
spewing
white wispy tendrils
drifting higher than
tall pine trees
silhouetted
against tranquil blue sky
we answered
smoke signals
with shovel, hoe, rake
united in sweat and muscle
rake, dig, overturn, pat down
smothering orange glow
with red dirt
black blanket
marking our progress
wide swath
from lake to gate
until
fiery genesis
met successful
obliteration

all rights reserved
©L. Kupfer

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