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Frontier

I had not been long out of the closet
Writing off the fable of my past existence
To embark on creating a new empire
Based on the verity of my lesbian identity
When I met her.

A mutual gay friend introduced us
He had shared past sentimental anedcotes about her with me
And he was a good pal to hang around with
But he knew I yearned for lesbian companionship
So wtih unbridled enthusiasm he played matchmaker

I played chauffeur the night we met her at the airport
With great valor I tried not to eye-eavesdrop
The furious sign language conversation being played in the back seat
I lost count of the number of times
Her eyes met mine in the rear view mirror

Yes, she was deaf like me
And so that night an infatuation was born
Her presence was an infusion of energy
Into what had been an humdrum monotony in my life
She didn’t mind my callowness to the lesbian scene

They introduced me to the lesbian bars
Hither and yonder in New Orleans
She kept soundly trouncing me in billards
And chuckling at my wide eyed appraisal
Of the various bodice ensembles of drag queens

Saturday night we mutinied at the company of three
Told our gay friend that we wanted to go out alone
Just the two of us, her and I
Incurable romantic that he was
He gave us two thumbs up and shooed us off

We found ourselves at Charlene’s on Elysian Fields
A thick wreath of cigarette smoke floated
Above the women moving in zombie like precision
Arms flailing in ubiquitous homage
To the seductive medley of popular tunes woven by the DJ

I swear I had no pernicious intentions
She was a true native to the Big Easy
Chose to follow her heart to Arizona
But the misfortune of an ill timed lover’s fight
Turned a planned vacation for two
Into a trip alone for her

We talked in sign language between dances and drinks
Each gesture became a shade more intimate
Until with shy yet pretentious daring
I finally slipped my hand into hers
My heart raced at her answering grasp

On the drive back to her room at his house
Her hand traveling from my neck
Down my arm to rest on my thigh
Erased all traces of fallacy
Of the tension building between her and I

Fortune was smiling at us
For he was sound asleep
His door ajar to awaken at any lights we turned on
Keeping one hand possessively at the small of my back
She closed his door as we clandestinely tiptoed past

Ahhh
No erotic fantasy can ever compare
To one’s first time with another woman
With the streetlight outside her window
Bathing us in a glow of ethereal otherworldness
She made love to me that night

Deaf to my moans and sighs
But keenly aware of my shivers and shudders
She took me to that sweet frontier of ecstasy
With experienced hands and knowledgeable mouth
Leaving no area of skin unexplored or untasted…..

And when I exploded with that first sweet tidal wave
It was a momentous right of baptism for me
With each succeeding crescendo
All traces of that guilt-imposed celebacy
Crashed and washed out from my essence

An incredible ebb and flow that I was loathe to end
Until I was totally satiated in her arms
Her lips caressing my face and hair
Sealed the completeness of my liberation
From virgin catholic girl to full fledged woman

Afterwards, we were together for five years
Then it became painfully necessary to severe
Our relationship and go our separate ways
I have not seen her since then
But I will always remember her as my first….

©L. Kupfer

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Avowal

After many nights of fantasies
Of kissing her face
Of caressing her skin
Of exploring her curves and valleys
The moment of truth had arrived
Would our friendship be ripped asunder
If I dared to release the dragon of truth?

She was straight, I was lesbian
Our friendship dated from the day
She moved into the neighborhood
We derived great pleasure from each other’s platonic company
Of all the possible permutations of women
I could hardily fathom this obsession with her
Perhaps it was the influence of the full moon…

My infatuation finally filtered into the open
The day that we met at the park
My hands shook despite my efforts to control them
As I gave her the letter I had written
Silently I prayed that she read with an open mind
As I watched her eyes scan and absorb my words of lust
And hoped my avowal would be met with impunity

She bowed her head and was quiet for long moments
My mssive dangling from her fingers
When she looked at me again, I saw tears
And the fleeting shadow of mirrored longing
She said that no one had ever written of such beauty to her before
And that as much as she felt my passion and cared for me
She could not betray her devotion to husband and daughter

We spoke no more of that day
Her invitations became fewer and more scarce
The distance between us became miles instead of blocks
I had no choice but to accept the inevitable
Accept the consquences of my failed written words and move on
But in all those years that followed, I have often paused
To wonder if she still has that letter….

©L. Kupfer

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Our First Christmas Tree

you sang
the twelve days of christmas
much to my delight
then we danced
ring around the blue spruce
with the tiny multi colored lights
I loved your color coordination
as I watched you hang
the shiny globes with care
you smiled your indulgence when I added
the snowflake ornaments from Dollar Tree
tiny red velvet bows completed the ensemble
the silver garland sparkled so prettily
nestled amongst the branches
the star at the top blinked merrily
as we wrapped arms around each other
we inhaled of the fresh pine scent
and shared coffee flavored kisses
as we gazed with happiness and pride
at our first Christmas tree.

© L. Kupfer

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Final Farewell

Golden eagle wings
Soar this crisp November sky
One final flight of retrospection
Towards the horizon of healing
One by one with each beat of golden wings
Each rhapsody of heartsong
Fades somewhat into the distance
Carried by the winds of memory…
The thunder of three heartbeats
Dulls into whispers of sweet echoes
Retreating into the mists of love torn asunder….
Wise eagle eyes now look and see
The true many sided complex portrait of you
Yet I do not regret the splurges of intense sharing
Because I know
The pure inner essence that was you and I
Recognized
Merged
Entwined
For one brief moment in time
Transcending the soul scarred landscapes
Of our past travels
Some long ago prophecy is fulfilled….
We both acknowledge and cannot deny
This primeval connection that lies between us
But we now have our separate destinies
To our own selves we must be true
Without masks
Tempered by harsh lessons learned
Perhaps the gods and goddesses will now be satisfied
That this bijou cup shall remain untouched….
Fare thee well,
Warrior Woman of My Heart
You will be a perpetual flame
Burning in my soul

©L. Kupfer

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Panther Burning Moon Bright

 

Panther burning moon bright
Your sleek flanks blending
In the sacred shadows of the night
Unseen to all
But the Goddess chosen few

Panther burning moon bright
I still hear your deep purrs
Resonating
In the depths of my silences

Panther burning moon bright
My hands remember
The velvety softness of your proud head
As you bend to quench your thirst
In the sacred waters of my essence

Panther burning moon bright
The sands of time will never erase
The glowing tracks that you’ve left behind
On the moonpaths of my soul

Panther burning moon bright
Magnificient avatar that you are
Roam safely
In the sacred shadows of the night
May I one day again be amongst
The Goddess chosen few

all rights reserved
© L. Kupfer
for J.D, where ever she might roam

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